We hear about missing children in local and national news with disturbing frequency; as parents, we fear it with intensity. The days of releasing children to a day of play and exploration in their community without fear are but a memory. But what are the real facts about abduction? Is the more common nonfamily abduction the same as the stereotypical kidnapping that many parents fear?
10-34 Wisconsin knows that in order to keep youth safe, parents and other adults need updated information that makes sense. Do we have to be fearful at every turn, worrying that someone wants to take and harm our child? Statistically speaking, that answer is No. Do parents need good information that informs about how to keep youth safe? That answer is Yes. Furthermore, youth need information as they are likely on their own when an abductor strikes.
The FBI reports the increase in missing children since 1982 is 468% with over 2000 missing child reports every day. A child is anyone under the age of eighteen.
Getting the Facts:
The problem of missing children is complex and multifaceted. There are different types of missing children that comprise the figure of 2000 missing children per day including family abductions; endangered runaways; nonfamily abductions; and lost, injured, or otherwise missing children. The best national estimates for the number of missing children are from incidence studies conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice's Office, Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
To date, the most comprehensive study regarding missing children is the National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway, and Thrownaway Children, or NISMART-2, which was released in 2002. According to NISMART-2 research, which studied the year 1999, an estimated 797,500 children were reported missing; 58,200 children were abducted by nonfamily members; 115 children were the victims of the most serious, long-term nonfamily abductions called 'stereotypical kidnappings'; and 203,900 children were the victims of family abductions (non-custodial parents, grandparents, etc.,) the remaining fall into other categories.
Although the latest study shows 'nonfamily members' abducted thousands of children in 1999, the chances of our own children actually being abducted are statistically slim. However, the behaviors of pedophiles and predators who abduct children have rehearsed the scenario hundreds of times in their head yet often attack at random. Further complicating the nonfamily abduction is the assumption that strangers are lurking around every corner preying on children. The facts surrounding the 58,200 nonfamily abductions are that the children affected by this crime were slightly familiar with their assailant, or knew them well. Strangers, or someone who the child is slightly familiar with affected the 115 stereotypical kidnapping victims.
The typical abduction is less violent than we imagine. An abductor will simply use a lure to gain the child's trust. This is accomplished by a display of kindness, need, authority, or generosity. There are more violent abductions where the child is forcibly taken, however this is a less frequent occurrence.
Children and teens are easily lured away because of their trusting, courteous nature and willingness to help a person in need; the same qualities we want and need our children to possess. Typically when youth are abducted, they are sexually abused, photographed or video taped for pornography, and then released. It is not unusual for the victim to be returned to the point of abduction, and no one is the wiser. Kids are threatened and/or shamed into silence. Sometimes abduction cases are only discovered due to an injury that requires medical intervention.
The age breakdown for abduction is:
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58,200 children abducted by nonfamily members:
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81% were 12-17 year old teens
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12% were 6-11 year old children
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7% were 0-5 year old infants or toddlers
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In 40% of stereotypical kidnappings, the child's life was ended (In another 4%, the child was not recovered)
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86% of the perpetrators are male
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Most abductions occur close to the child's home by someone who has reason to be in the area (they live or work there).
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Approximately one abducted child is murdered for every 10,000 reports of a missing child (most of these cases are girls).
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More than half of these child abduction murders are committed by a stranger.
Victims of these cases are "average," low-risk children, leading normal lives, living in normal families. (NISMART 2)
Categories of Missing Children
Abduction Type
Short-term, nonfamily abductions occur when someone who is not a relative abducts and detains a child without lawful authority or parental permission. The person who abducts a child can be a stranger, however it is more common that a child or teen knows the person, or is familiar with them.
A stereotypical kidnapping occurs when a stranger or slight acquaintance perpetrates a nonfamily abduction in which the child is detained overnight, transported at least 50 miles, held for ransom, abducted with intent to keep the child permanently, or ends the child's life.
Nonfamily abduction: (1) An episode in which a nonfamily perpetrator takes a child by the use of physical force or threat of bodily harm or detains the child for a substantial period of time (at least 1 hour) in an isolated place by the use of physical force or threat of bodily harm without lawful authority or parental permission, or (2) an episode in which a child younger than 15 or mentally incompetent, and without lawful authority or parental permission, is taken or detained or voluntarily accompanies a nonfamily perpetrator who conceals the child’s whereabouts, demands ransom, or expresses the intention to keep the child permanently.
Stereotypical kidnapping: A nonfamily abduction perpetrated by a slight acquaintance or stranger in which a child is detained overnight, transported at least 50 miles, held for ransom or abducted with intent to keep the child permanently, or killed.
- Stranger: A perpetrator whom the child or family does not know, or a perpetrator of unknown identity.
- Slight acquaintance: A nonfamily perpetrator whose name is unknown to the child or family prior to the abduction and whom the child or family did not know well enough to speak to, or a recent acquaintance who the child or family have known for less than 6 months, or someone the family or child have known for longer than 6 months but seen less than once a month.
NISMART-2
Family Abduction
An estimated 203,900 children were victims of a family abduction (the taking or keeping of a child in violation of a custody agreement involving some element of concealment, flight, or intent to alter custodial rights permanently), and in more than three-quarters of these cases, the perpetrator was a parent: 53 percent were abducted by their biological father, 25 percent by their biological mother. Family abducted children accounted for only 9 percent of all missing children and 7 percent of those reported missing in the study year. In family abductions, younger children appear to be more vulnerable. Teenagers, who have relatively more independence and control over where they go and stay, accounted for a relatively small proportion of family abduction victims.
Runaway and Thronaway children
In 1999, there were an estimated 1,682,900 runaway/thrownaway youth, 37 percent of whom were missing. Runaway/thrownaway youth include children who leave home without permission and stay away overnight; children who are away from home and choose not to return and stay away either one or two nights, depending on their age, and children who are asked or told to leave home by a parent or other adult, or prevented from returning home when adequate alternative care has not been arranged. Children who leave home do so for a variety of reasons. More than one-quarter of these were children either using hard drugs or substance dependent. One in five had been physically or sexually abused at home or afraid of abuse upon return. Although the stereotype of the runaway is a youth roaming and sleeping on the streets of a big city, prey to drugs and violence, some youth leave home for the homes of friends and relatives, where they may be well cared for.
Involuntarily, lost, or injured
This category describes missing children who are trying to get home or make contact with the parent/caretaker and are unable to do so because they are lost, stranded or injured; or children who are missing because they are too young to know how to return home or make contact. Of the estimated 1,315,600 missing children in 1999 (including both those reported missing to authorities and those not reported), 198,300, or 15 percent, were categorized as involuntarily missing, lost, or injured.
Missing benign explanation
This category is comprised of children who cannot be classified in any of the prior categories, but become “missing” because of a benign reason such as miscommunication with their parents. In 1999, they comprised 43 percent of all children who were reported as missing to authorities.
It is vital that parents understand the complexities of the problem of missing children. Not all missing children are endangered, and most are not abducted. The challenge is figuring out how to differentiate the harmless episodes from the serious ones. Also, many children become missing because of family conflicts or maltreatment, problems that need to be addressed in addition to locating and returning the child home.
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Prevention
If you read nothing else…
Adults should not ask kids they don’t know for help of any kind.
Adults should not offer anything to a child without the parent’s permission.
Adults should not ask kids to keep secrets of any kind.
Although media accounts may make it seem as though children are being snatched from every street corner, the actual incidence of child abduction is very small. Cases of abduction often catch the media's attention because they are UN-usual, not because they are typical or even on the rise. Relative to other safety risks that children face, abduction is uncommon. The primary responsibility of risk reduction must fall on parents and other caregivers. While expecting kids to keep themselves safe is unrealistic, that doesn't mean that they shouldn't learn some basic rules about avoiding danger.
Teaching your children to fear strangers is a problem, not a benefit. Don't teach your child that stranger equals danger and that friend equals safe. When a child is taught to never talk to strangers, they lose their ability to communicate and understand others. A stranger may be the one to save your child's life. Teach your children about safety using stranger information in conjunction with general safety information.
It is important to keep in mind that we are asking our children to respond to a situation they are likely to never encounter, involving either an unknown person in unfamiliar circumstances, or a person who is a slight acquaintance. Rather than relying on children to correctly identify dangerous situations, parents can do a lot to reduce the opportunity for the event to occur in the first place
Frequently, concerned parents worry that teaching their children self-protection skills will counteract their desire for their children to be helpful, considerate people. But if the rules hinge on checking with you first, you are taking the responsibility for making difficult judgments, rather than leaving it with the child. This helps to ensure their safety in the rare instance that the other adult had harmful intentions while still allowing them to be helpful and considerate in situations that you have judged safe.
All children are born with intuition, but must learn to recognize and honor their fears. Teach your children to honor their feelings. When a child tells you he/she is uncomfortable, it's important to listen.
1. All children need a plan. Parents, you are the safety expert for your family. It's your job to develop a plan your child can use.
2. Be specific. To get out of a dangerous situation it takes smart choices, not scared reactions. Scared reactions are predictable, and predators are looking for them. Come up with techniques that your child is comfortable with that teach them that they can make good decisions in an emergency.
3. Don't equate stranger with danger. Teach your child how to recognize a potentially dangerous action instead of a potentially dangerous person. For example: If your child is walking down the street and a person smiling and waving passes them in a car, that person is not dangerous. If the person gets out of the car and approaches your child, that is a dangerous action and your child can get away from it.
4. Focus on what your child can do. Giving your child a long list of what not to do will only confuse them. Ominous warnings don't fit their world. For example: If an adult asks your child to help them look for a lost dog, your child sees this as a chance to do something good. Tell your child they have permission to look for the dog only after they receive permission from you.
5. "No" is more than a word, it is also an action. Teach your child that they can say "No!" by running away, kicking and/or screaming. It is the action that goes along with the word is what will keep your child safe. Let your child know that if they are in a dangerous situation, saying "No" might mean being rude to an adult and that is alright with you.
No doubt families are concerned about doing everything possible to protect children. When this topic is handled as a balanced, commonsense discussion, fears can be minimized while awareness and skills are heightened.
Remember: For children of all ages the educational model ‘Stranger Danger’ or “Don’t Talk to Strangers” is outdated and ineffective. Unfortunately, the message was wholly off target if used as the only means to teach safety to youth. A generation of American youth has been wrongly educated that ‘strangers’ are the only ones to pose risk. Ask any child who or what a stranger is. They will tell you strangers are scary looking, mean, or dirty. The fact is that over 90% of youth are harmed by people they know and love; people such as family members, friends, relatives or acquaintances --hardly strangers to kids. Stranger awareness education still has its place in safety education, but in balance with other important information.
It all begins with YOU!
- Set a good example for good safety habits. Tell you kids how long you will be gone and where you can be reached. If your plans change, call home to let the kids know.
- Get in the habit of allowing your kids to talk freely about themselves. Children who feel valued at home will be less likely to seek approval from inappropriate people.
- Know your children’s friends and their parents. Check in frequently with the adults who are in your child’s life. Screen every person who you will leave your child with for camp, sports, or a sleepover at a friend’s home.
- Teach kids abut sex and sexuality as you teach them how to safely cross a road. If you are more comfortable, talk about the private parts of the body to mean the areas a swim suite covers and that no one is allowed to touch your private parts except sometimes when a doctor if you are injured or sick.
Listen to your child when they complain about family members or other adults who make them feel uncomfortable or even scared. Children’s gut feelings are usually very accurate.
Begin a Discussion, Toddlers – Age 4
Preschool children are so naïve, powerless and vulnerable that they should be under the care and supervision of a responsible adult at all times. Do not expect preschool children to know what to do to avoid becoming the victim of an adult or older child. The children in this age group are curious and may be naturally trusting. They also easily respond to attempts by adults to be kind or supportive do not necessarily grasp the long-term consequences of potentially dangerous situations.
-Maintain an open line of communication
-Your attitude and approach matters
-Make it fit the age
-Teach more than once
Remember:
- Keep you child in your sight all the time.
- Hold a toddlers hand or keep them in the shopping cart or stroller when away from home.
- Don’t leave the kids in the car alone, even for a second.
Teaching Young Children: Begin introductory discussions about the following;
- Name, address, phone number, and parent’s names, how to dial 911.
- Use the buddy system.
- Ask first.
- Break the rules if you are in danger! It is okay to say NO (and loudly!) to an adult if he or she is making your child feel unsafe. Run, make a scene and get help!
- It is always okay to call 911 if you need help right away!
- They can ALWAYS talk to you about any situation in which they feel unsafe—this isn't tattling; it is staying safe, and take them seriously until you understand the situation fully.
- Never get into someone's car without your permission. Establish rigid procedures if your child is to be picked up from school or from a friend's house by someone else.
- Establish a code word and give this code word only to individuals you've made arrangements with to pick up your child.
- Assure children that should they ever become separated from you, you will look for them until they are found, no matter what.
Begin a Discussion, Age 5 - 10
The children in this age group are curious and may be naturally trusting. This group of children is more capable of understanding right from wrong. They are able to remember information and put it into practice but may get overwhelmed in a difficult situation.
-Maintain an open line of communication
-Your attitude and approach matters
-Make it fit the age
-Teach more than once
Remember:
- Your child should know: (See the other age groups and build upon great beginnings.)
- All immediate family member’s names
- Address, including state and country
- How to make a phone call using their area code.
- How to call 911 and how to use a pay phone with no money. (Calling O requires no money and the operator will connect to emergency services.)
- Begin teaching about tricks people may use to attract a child’s attention.
Teaching Younger Children:
- To always tell you where they are going.
- Respect your child’s instincts if they feel weird about something. Help them articulate what is bothering them and help to find a solution.
? Recognize the difference between strangers and trusted adults. If a stranger approaches them and asks them to do something that is wrong, teach them to say "No!" and go tell a trusted adult about the stranger.
? That if an adult or older teen forcibly grabs them, they should scream as loudly and fight as hard as they can. Kids can shout specific phrases to gain necessary attention such as, "This isn't my dad!" (Never teach your child to yell FIRE!!! unless they see smoke or flames. Think about it, if you are in a store and someone yells FIRE!!!, where are you headed? Out the door, of course. So too would the perpetrator who is trying to take the child out the door.
- To ask certain types of strangers for help when lost or frightened, e.g., a mother with children, a person behind a counter in a store, a police officer in uniform.
- The importance of knowing times and routes your child travels to school and other activities. (Never take a different route without permission.)
- Help children identify safe people and places in your neighborhood to run to if they fell threatened.
- Encourage kids to be aware as they walk. Let them know to take three big steps backwards if they feel threatened.
- Take your child to the Family bathroom at the mall or movies. If a family bathroom is not available, take your child into your bathroom with you. If you have to take an older child of the opposite sex into your bathroom, they can keep their eyes pointed toward the floor.
- When making plans with a new friend, always meet the parents and check out the house. If you don’t feel comfortable, with the situation, don’t leave your child. You can make an excuse and quickly exit.
- Go with your child for trick or treat and limit any fundraisers to phone calls to friends and families.
- Trust that your children are capable of learning safety information without being scared.
- It’s not their fault if someone hurts them or tricks them. Be sure to tell a trusted adult –it’s not tattling.
- Play the “What if” game.
Use the “What If” game to check t a child’s readiness for more independence.
What if I was late to pick you of from sports and your friend’s mom offered to take you home?
What if you were supposed to walk home from the movie with a friend, but the friend ditched you?
What if the neighbor insisted you help carry a box in the house, for only a minute?
What if an adult or older person was being really nice and offered you a treat, but you might be afraid of hurting their feelings if you said no?
What if an older teenager took something of yours and would only give it back if you went into their house?
Begin a Discussion, Age 11 and up
Middle and high school students have more experience, but typically overestimate their abilities, underestimate risks, and remain vulnerable to predators. Review the rules and ask "what if questions" to test their judgment and maturity, e.g., "What if you were at the Mall and a man with a business card from a modeling agency asked you to come outside into the natural light for a few snapshots?" Additionally, don't make the assumption that your child, just because they are older and more mature, is automatically safe. The highest age group targeted by sexual predators is between the ages 11-15.
Remember: Many of the previous suggestions still apply at this age. Personal safety is not like traffic safety that you teach a few times and they are set for life. Don’t assume that just because they are older and they seem to ‘get it’ they understand everything. Parents are the primary first line of defense in all matters of teenage life. Children in this age group sill need constant supervision and guidance. As children move from preteen status to teenage freedoms, it is especially important for parents to know that the highest incidence of abduction and sexual abuse happen within this group.
-Maintain an open line of communication
-Your attitude and approach matters
-Make it fit the age
-Teach more than once
- Let your children know they call turn to you with anything. Let them know they can call you to pick them up at any time, and any place. They should know that you will always come to get them, even if you might be angry and need to discipline, you will save it for later.
- Kids in this group are particularly at risk to predators and should readily recognize tricks and cons.
- Trust your feelings. If someone makes you feel scared or uncomfortable, get away as quickly as you can and TELL a trusted adult what happened. You deserve to feel safe, and you should keep asking until you get the help you need.
- Make sure any activity your child participates in is an approved program. A local baseball league VS a guy down the block organizing a pick up game.
- Teens need special encouragement to ‘tell” if someone has tricked or harmed them. Watch for behavior changes that veer from typical for your child.
- Educate teens about sex and sexuality so they will be less vulnerable to sexual advances by predators.
- Let you know where they are at all times. If they have a cell phone, make sure they have it with them and that it is fully charged when they leave the house.
- Never hitchhike. Explain that drivers rarely stop because they want to help someone in need. They often have a different agenda.
Avoid shortcuts through isolated parks, alleys or fields. Explain that isolated areas are the most common places for an abduction to take place.
Go to the nearest public place for help or run home or to a safe house if they are being followed.
Report suspicious behavior to you or the police. Give up money, jewelry or clothing if attacked by an armed assailant rather than fight and risk injury.
Home Alone:
Young children should never be left home alone.
Contrary to popular belief in Wisconsin, there is no law that states the age of a child who is old enough to stay home alone. The common belief is age 12. Because each child is different, every family will decide when the time is right for them.
It is important to prepare your child for times when he or she is home alone.
The Basics: Your child should know:
- How to reach you or another adult
- Be capable of calling 911 or handling an emergency
- Be responsible and trustworthy
-If your child is afraid to stay home alone, he or she is not ready.
-Do not have service people come to the home if your children are there alone.
Answering the phone:
Young children should never be left home alone.
Teach him how to answer the phone if he is home alone.
Never tell a caller you are home alone.
Say that your parents are busy and can't come to the phone. (“I’m sorry, my parents are unavailable.” is a dead give away they are home alone. Have your child say something more clever like you are sick and can’t talk, or you have company at the moment and you will call back.)
Never tell a caller your name, phone number, or address.
If the caller asks for this information, hang up and call a safe adult.
If a stranger calls twice, hang up and call a safe adult.
If the caller teases you or says things that scare you, hang up and call a safe adult.
Answering the door:
Young children should never be left home alone.
If necessary, put a note on the door when you leave to remind your child of the rules. Because there are countless situations where someone could arrive at our door, keeping it simple for kids home alone makes sense. If they know to never answer the door, they don’t have to make spur of the moment decisions.
Teach your child not to answer the door if he is home alone.
Tell your child not to peek out the window to see who is there.
If someone knocks, keep the door closed and locked.
Never let a stranger in, even to use the bathroom or the phone.
If the person will not go away or tries to get in, call 911.
Quick Reminders for Kids
I always CHECK FIRST with my parents or the person in charge before I go anywhere or get into a car, even with someone I know.
I always CHECK FIRST with my parents or a trusted adult before I accept anything from anyone, even from someone I know.
I always TAKE A FRIEND with me when I go places or play outside.
I KNOW my name, address, telephone number and my parents’ names.
I SAY NO if someone tries to touch me or treat me in a way that makes me feel scared, uncomfortable or confused.
I KNOW that I can TELL my parents or a trusted adult if I feel scared, uncomfortable or confused.
It’s OKAY to say NO, and I KNOW that there will always be someone who can help me.
I am STRONG, SMART, and have the right to be SAFE.
If your child is abducted
Acting quickly is critical. If you believe your child has been abducted:
- Call 911 immediately. But don't stop there. Contact your local police department, county sheriff, state police and law enforcement in surrounding jurisdictions. The FBI will initiate a kidnapping investigation for children under 12 years, even if the criminal hasn't crossed state lines.
- Notify local media. The sooner the community has been notified that a child has been abducted, the greater the chances of recovery.
- Make sure your home phone line is open and make sure it is attended by someone your child knows at all times. Install Caller ID if you do not already have it and record conversations. This may be the only way your child can reach you.
- Contact the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-THE-LOST and contact Team H.O.P.E., a parent support network for families with missing children. Team H.O.P.E.'s volunteer parents have experienced the agony of searching for their own children. They provide practical and emotional support for parents whose children are victims of predatory kidnapping, parental abduction, international abduction, adult missing, and runaways. They can be reached at 1-800-306-6311.
Take care to preserve your physical and emotional welfare. This will be an extremely challenging experience. You will need sobriety, presence of mind, and good judgment. Remember to eat and sleep regularly. Seek emotional and psychological support from your church, social service agencies, or professional counselors with experience in your type of situation.
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